Why Australia Day is clearly the best holiday of the year

We Aussies have a lot to celebrate. Not only do we have Clive Palmer, the Big Pineapple and AC/DC, but we also have an actual day that celebrates just how great we are. And do we ever enjoy it! It’s usually a day we spend drinking VB’s with zinc on our faces and Triple J’s Lukewarm 100 blaring over a smoky backyard BBQ. Or else, flooding out parks and beaches, getting back to nature.

So here are a few reasons why Australia Day is the mother of all holidays.

Perfect Timing

New Year’s is like Coke Life: overrated fizz with fancy packaging. The supposed biggest party of the year sees cities overrun, police stretched thin and the events an overpriced let down. The timing of the event is enough to make people wake up and vow never to drink again. Then, about 3 weeks later, people forget about those pesky resolutions. The mouth is dry, desperate for another taste, a chance at party redemption.

Enter, Australia Day.

Just long enough after New Year’s to get that horrid taste of undercooked party pies out of your mouth, Australia Day is the perfect chance to break those New Year’s resolutions you kept for so long. It’s also about 3 weeks after we’ve all gone back to work, which is too long a time to truly rebound from December. And because, like so many things you’ve been abstaining yourself from, when you get back on it, you fall hard. Which makes Oz Day the holiday we deserve, but probably not the one we need.

The Havaianas Thong Challenge

One of the more peculiar traditions Australia Day saw flourish was the Havaiana Thong Challenge. Unfortunately, the 2015 event, which saw beaches inundated with blow-up thongs and raise thousands of dollars for local surf clubs, was the last! But that doesn’t stop us reflecting on how odd the whole thing was. For ten years it epitomised everything that was great about Australia – beaches, thongs, sun, breaking world records and inflatable pool toys. In 2015, Cottesloe beach took the world record when 2210 people flooded the beaches with inflatable thongs, though I’m not entirely sure how many people were trying to break the record. Even so, it was a pretty “’Straya” thing to do.

Temporary Tattoos

Tattoos are becoming pretty commonplace nowadays. Seems like every guy with a bad teenage moustache has got a dragon running across their back. While that might be ok for your regular Joe Sixpack, some of us are a bit more wary that a snake tattoo under the eye might limit our career trajectory; I also just don’t have the biceps for a tribal. Enter, the temporary tattoo. While they used to be a favourite amongst cereal packets and show bags, they’ve gone out of vogue a little bit. But when Australia Day rolls around, those temp tattoo makers make their yearly quota in a day. It’s the time of the year where we’re allowed to tattoo ourselves with our flag, letting everyone know just how patriotic we are, and not be battered down by “the man”! Whoever that is. Clive Palmer, maybe? I dunno.

Giant Slip and Slide

Australian streets used to be for cars. But they’re hot and slow and against nature and I get pretty bad motion sickness. Now, roads have finally found their true calling – gloriously helping us live our best life by turning themselves into slip n’ slides. While I personally believe that slides are underrated as a mode of transport, our Nanny-state government has yet to jump on board. I pray for the day when I can go from Collingwood to Richmond in a single slide, and any politician who made such promise would have my vote. In the meantime, we’ll have to contend with the random few days on and around Australia Day where our futurist friends roll out the plastic carpet and let us slip and slide to our heart’s content!

Triple J reassures us that we’re cool.

Triple J struck gold when they began airing their Annual Top 100 songs on Australia Day. It elevated the holiday from a chore with family to a day that the youth could actually rally around. Clouted as the World’s Largest Music Democracy, the list has become an apparent barometer for what is the best music of the year, though every year a smug alert gets issued as people circle-jerk their “Top Ten” on social media. The list has become a bit of a joke ever since Kings of Leon’s Sex on Fire hit number #1, and hit peak face-palm when future ex-Martin Fleming, Taylor Swift, was denied access because the hipsters were afraid that she’d steal their felt hat thunder. So democracy is a bit of a loose term. Trendy fascism might be a better. I can see the barbed criticisms coming already, so feel free to send all comments about how I don’t know anything and how Triple J is the best thing since open-heart surgery to @IDontCare and I’ll get right back to you. Regardless, the Triple J Lukewarm 100 remains a staple of Australia Day and Fun Fact, if you say Chet Faker into a mirror 3 times, he appears and offers you a vegan soy based vanilla gelato served in a desert boot.

The Backyard BBQ

While most of us enjoy a backyard BBQ on the reg, there’s none more iconic than the Australia Day Backyard BBQ. There’s something cathartic about burnt sausages sizzling away, beer in one hand, bit of backyard cricket going on in the background. It’s enough to make you swell with pride. I mean, sure you can have a BBQ most weekends in summer, but it’s that precious Australia Day holiday when the meat tastes the best, the VBs are the coldest and the fear of a work hangover is pushed into the back of your brain next to your mum’s birthday.

Families reminding you of the good old days

Australia day is not just for the drunks and hipsters. It’s easy to forget that. It’s also easy to forget that Australia existed before me and you. Which is why Australia is a great day to spend time with extended family, relaxing by the beach, or picnicking in the park and listening to stories from your parents and grandparents about how it was. Like when my Dad told me he used to wake up at sparrow’s fart, fill up his ute tray with people, drive to the Gold Coast on a tank of petrol costing $3 on a single lane highway, drinking tinnies the whole time, then go surfing for five hours before driving back and buying chips and potato scallops for 20c. None of which you could do today for a variety of reasons, but, hey, it’s still fun to hear about how cheap stuff used to be.