8 groups of people you’ll find in Australia

‘Straya! What a country. Chock full of amazing, colourful characters and boxing kangaroos that wear Everlast gloves. Also, we apparently have those weird platypus animals that nobody’s ever seen (Myth?). Except we’re not all croc-hunting, ute drivers. I mean, I am, obviously, but not everyone is as hardcore as me.

*Dunks Arrowroot biscuit into tea. Sips.* 

As you travel from major city to mid-sized town to smaller town to single street town, you’re bound to find some amazingly awesome people. You might also find a few random ones.

Bogans

Unlike that mythical platypus, the bogan is a real thing. While they used to be considered “low class”, that’s a bit unfair, as lots of them now have a lot of money, mostly made by patenting words like “flanno” and “durries”, to which they receive royalties. They’ll tend to have a preference for either Ford or Holden and smoke pencil shaving strength “durries”. Approach with caution, or a carton of VB.

Most likely to find them: Queensland. Down in the man cave sinking a few and watching Bathurst.

Hippies

Anti-corporation, anti-soap and pro-folk anything, they tend to be strumming a guitar and smoking jazz cigarettes by a beach somewhere. I’m jealous: I wish I had no drive or ambition and could sit on the sand all day making bracelets out of human hair. I’m not even mad that their free love ideology isn’t overly concerned with looks, I only wish that they wouldn’t complain every time I eat something that had parents.

Most likely to find them: Byron Bay. In a Wicked van, eating “cookies”.

Surfers

Out there early getting mad pitted before the high tide harshes their cream, cuz. Instantly recognizable, they’ve got pineapple bleached hair and a shoulder span like an endangered condor. Sand between their toes, they’ll wander back up the beach around midday for beers and to share a yarn about the biggest wave they ever caught. Cowabunga or whatever.

Most likely to find them: Gold Coast. Snapper Rocks, bra.

Hipsters

In the past few years, there’s been a significant rise in the number of hipsters in Australia. They’ve descended upon our cafes and op-shops like a virus, spread by a free app you wouldn’t have heard of yet. Hiding under felt hats and fuelled by soy decaf lattes, these skinny jean-wearing unicorn-lovers are only comfortable when they’re talking about music festivals. Spray bottles filled with a non-craft beer works well to fend them off.

Most likely to find them: Fitzroy. Sitting on milk crates outside cafes with names separated by an ampersand, eg. Owl & Taco.

B-List Celebrities

Australia doesn’t really do A-list celebrities. We have a few, like Chris Hemsworth and Peter Andre – Go on, argue with me. Argue that the guy who sang Mysterious Girl isn’t our most major celebrity!! – but mostly, we’re an island with a lot of minor celebrities. The upside is that you’ll likely see the cast of Neighbours wandering around Docklands, or footy players training at your local beach. They’re just like us!

Most likely to find them: Melbourne. Track them down via Twitter. Or better yet, tweet them – most won’t have that many followers, so you’ll probably get an invitation to dinner.

Fitness junkies

Perhaps it’s because we’re such a hot country and spend so much time in the sun with our skin showing, but damn it if we don’t love a good work out. Aussies are obsessed: you’ll see people bicep curling their shopping, doing push-ups waiting for their lunch, running on the spot during meetings and performing yoga on traffic islands. I’m not really sure about this yoga myself, but maybe that’s because I have the flexibility of a cinder block.

Most likely to find them: Sydney. A gym would be a good place to start. We have more gyms than ice cream stores. And that’s the saddest thing I’ve ever written.

Rural folk

I always wanted to work on a farm, but my silky city-boy hands were more suited to a keyboard than a hay bale. Regardless, I still have a lot of respect for people who get up at sparrow fart to tend to cattle and sow seeds in the harsh Australian sun. They’re some of the hardest working people you’re likely to meet and also some of Australia’s most educational: I’ve learned at least five new swear words while hanging out with people from the country. I owe them a lot.

Most likely to find them: Northern Territory. Doing actual backbreaking hard work.

Foreigners with expired visas

Understandable that everyone who comes to Australia doesn’t want to leave. I’m sure most probably thought they’d come to work for a little while and fell in love with the place. It happens. And while their visas might have expired, their love of partying sure hasn’t. They’re keen to drink on Tuesday nights, Wednesday nights… basically every night with all the other tourists. They often live in hostels because, well, hey, it’s hard to get a reference check when you were supposed to be in London a year ago.

Most likely to find them: Airlie Beach. Working cash jobs. Hiding from Government officials. 

Yes these are mainly stereotypes but please don’t write me angry letters; my mum opens my mail and she has a weak heart.